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My Weird Normal

A blog of a writer who goes by My Weird Normal. I post personal stuff and some shitty stuff I probably wrote in an hour.

I remember a few months ago my mom sent me a message on facebook that started something like “I had several concerned people tell me that you made a post about being depressed. Don’t you know that this will ruin the image of you and the rest of your family?” or some bullshit like that. And I never finished reading the whole thing after that first sentence. I just completely ignored it and went on with my life. I don’t know, I just remembered it and it’s making laugh and hate my mom even more.

My future daughter

Please, darling,

do not fall for beautiful boys.

And if you do,

do not believe them when they tell you they love you,

for it’s a lie they’ve told many girls before.

Do not let them touch you,

it’s all they want from you.

If they are upset over not having sex,

then believe me when I say they are not worth your love.

They will only throw it away

and be the cause of your tears.

Beautiful boys target insecure girls,

because they know we’ll believe them.

They know we won’t want to let them go.

Writing Challenge

I was depressed and suicidal my senior year and I thought I would never amount to anything.

I found someone to hold on to, someone who I would rather be with than death.

I learned that I can’t depend on other people to hold me up, they’ll leave me, I need to hold myself up- I’m all I have in the end.

8-7-14

1:44 pm

Writing Challenge

thewritershelpers:

Write one sentence about the darkest point of your life, the worst thing you have ever experienced.

Write the second sentence about how you survived.

Write the last sentence about what it taught you.

This can either be answered by you, personally, or by your characters.

This is an inspired prompt, and I’m honestly looking forward to the replies. Either tag your response with ‘thewritershelpers’ or submit it to us and I’ll publish them.

I might even do this one, too.

-K

Day 23

It’s been 11 days since I saw a friend at warped tour.

I’m such an introvert, I never thought it would come to the point where i’d actually feel like this. Lonely. I just really hanging out with a friend every two weeks at least. I’m sure if I just messaged a friend they’d be totally fine with hanging out with me. But wouldn’t they have said something by now? I doubt anyone wants to see me.

Whatever, my new book is my new best friend. I’ve been reading Fangirl. It makes me want to write more and I like it. And it’s mine. All mine. Just for me. Hardback and mine. Not a library book. And it’s beautiful.

7-8-14

7:35 pm

I have never thought of myself as being the pretty friend.

I understand that I am pretty and cute. I understand that people like how I look, but I believe there are prettier girls than me. I’m not dumb enough to think I am the prettiest. Just looking in my friend group, there are so many pretty girls with pretty long hair and perfect boobs and waists and faces who guys stare at. Maybe it’s just the way they carry themselves or how they are so much more outgoing than I am, but I have never once tried to fool myself into thinking I wasn’t the invisible one in the group.

I am the quiet friend, the shy friend, the introverted friend, the friend who just would really rather stay in her room. Sometimes it doesn’t bug me, sometimes I’m perfectly fine with being left alone. But other times I just feel so ignored. Not ignored in the way that no one flirts with me, but ignored because they barely even talk to me. Or look at me. Or make me feel included. But then I’ve never really felt included in a group. With one other person, sure, but in a group? No way. I am easily lost in a group of people. I can trail behind everyone else and stay quiet, no one will really notice. I could probably just leave out of the blue and no one will notice immediately.

I’m the invisible friend. That’s just my personality. I can’t really change it, so  guess I’ll just accept it. I’m trying to fall back in love with reading. Maybe if I read more then I’ll stop thinking about how invisible I am, because i’ll be so deep in another world that it won’t even matter. I’ll become someone else, the main character, someone who can’t be ignored no matter what.

8-7-14

1:36 pm

I’m really bad at finishing what I start.

I try, but it’s hard for me to finish something despite all the enthusiasm I had for it in the beginning.

It’s why I’ve never been able to finish a Pokemon game. I have at least five Pokemon games on my computer, yet I can’t seem to finish any of them. I borrowed this game called The World Ends With You from one of my friends a while back, and when I started playing it I had all this enthusiasm about actually being able to finish the game and see what happens. Now, I can’t even remember the last time I’ve played it. I started playing the first Ace Attorney game and I’ve gotten down to the last case but then my motivation to finish it just vanished. I started playing minecraft and I’ve started making two houses that I no longer feel like finishing. I don’t know why this keeps happening but it’s happened in other aspects of my life too.

I’ve started writing at least 5 different books. And I’ve finished none of them. I’d start with all this enthusiasm. i would plan out how everything would go with a detailed outline. But each time I’ve abandoned the project, either because I realized that my plot was terrible or because I just grew absolutely bored with my characters. I’m struggling to continue writing a book right now. I kind of want to move on to another idea I’ve had, but I really don’t want to give up again. I’ve even started a new blog for the book I’m currently working on. I’m using it to help with getting to know my characters better and with creating their backstories. I haven’t updated it in two weeks. 

I don’t know why I find it so hard to continue with projects and finish things. Apparently it’s a trait of some Gemini’s but it’s a trait I want to be rid of. I want to choose a project and then just stick with it.

8-3-14

8:01 pm

The thing is, I’m curious of how you’ll treat me if we ever come face to face again. Three things could happen: you’ll either ignore me (the favorable option), stop acting childish and actually act normal with me (the lesser favorable option), or talk shit to my face (the unfavorable option).

7-29-14

Around 1 am

Times When My Parents Have Pissed Me Off Greatly

accessorizingwithapencil:

1. When they continuously talked about my friend because she lived in a trailer park.

2. When I was in danger of fainting at my mom’s office due to a lack of breakfast and my mom thought I was pretending and so told me to stop or to get out of her office and not come home, because I wouldn’t be welcomed.

3. When my mom tried to force me to bring a date to prom, and actually said that she wanted it to be a black boy.

4. The few instances when my mom said or implied that I was a slut or a whore because of clothes or shoes I wanted.

5. When my mom called my writing smut and made it clear that she found my hobby to be unimportant because it was fiction rather than nonfiction.

6. When my parents told me that they couldn’t pick me up from graduation practice because they were 30 minutes to an hour away and then became upset when they found out that my then boyfriend was picking me up and made him drop me off at the CVS s they could come and pick me up instead.

7. Got mad at my brother because he had a 3.2 (or was it 3.5) GPA at the end of his freshmen year of high school despite the fact that not only was this a huge turn around from the year before, but he was also very proud of his grades.

8. When they tried to tell me that I should stop being friends with my high school friends because they had no goals, would go no where in life, and most of them weren’t my age. I also have a feeling that the fact that most of them weren’t black played a part in it as well.

9. Turned our family into more of a competition where they would reward us for “tattling” on each other, they encouraged us disrespecting each other’s privacy, and they shamelessly played favorites.

10. When my mom specifically targeted and made fun of me every night we had dinner to the point where I would started skipping dinner during the last two months of school because I didn’t want to sit through that.

11. When my mom refuses to admit that she and my father told me that I better get out of their house in the next 24 hours and instead tells everyone that i left on my own.

12. When my parents threw wine bottles at each other during a fight in the house, endangering my siblings and my puppy.

13. When my parents started throwing out my books, my clothes, my magazines, and anything else I left in my room when I went away for college.

Can you imagine a world where everything, everywhere on Earth was modernized?

I like the idea of it. The idea of a world where one doesn’t have worry about not having wifi or cell service when they go hiking through the Amazon or up a mountain. Someone get’s lost int he woods? No problem. The trees emit wifi and every so often a tree may have a built in phone or computer to alert the authorities.  It’s nice to think of a world where robots work in factories and people in third world countries live in smart houses and no longer have to live with less shit that people in America. And you know how Native Americans on reservations have really shitty schools? No worry because the new modernized world allows them to have a nicer, more advanced school, and nice homes and such. I mean, just thinking about it, it sounds awesome. Maybe we’d have flying cars and a kitchen that makes whatever food you crave. I’m mostly thinking of the Jetsons and that Disney movie, Smart House, when I say all of this.

Obviously, i grew up in a privileged world or whatever. There are cultures out there who like their current life and culture. There are Native Americans who stay on reservations because of their culture. There are cultures out there who just don’t want to live in a modern world. Personally, I just don’t know how it feels to not want to live in a really modern world, because to me that’s like paradise. I understand that some people may prefer another choice though.

Korra’s character fucking annoys me.

She’s annoying.

I think what made me hate her the most is seeing how she treated Mako. She got so pissy with him whenever he had some secret he didn’t tell her as if she was entitled to knowing everything. And she felt the need to pick fights with him over every little thing and twist everything he had to say into something negative. If he didn’t agree with her she acted like he was against her. It made me want to punch her in the face.

She is horrible at reading people. She was way too trusting when it came to her uncle instead of trusting the father who knew what was best. I mean, so what that he hid his past from her? She’s his mother fucking daughter. He doesn’t need to bare his fucking soul to her. I hate when I read books and watch shows/movies where the kid and the parents are pretty close and then the kid gets pissy because their parents have secrets. Or when one friend learns that their best friend has some secret they didn’t tell them. Like fucking hell. People have secrets, get the fuck over it!

My friends keeps telling me that she’ll get better in Book 3 though, so I’ll continue watching and hopefully she’ll grow the fuck up.

Letting go of painful memories/Things I need to tell myself more often

I was dumped in December. It’s a thing that happened, but I have been mostly ignoring it ever since. I can’t really suppress it though, no matter how hard I try. It’s in the past and I’ve moved on physically and a bit emotionally, but I haven’t completely let it go and that bothers me.

I guess I’ve learned a few lessons despite all of this, though. No matter how much he tells you he loves you, if his actions don’t convey the same message as his words then he’s lying. Also, if he’s not willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work then just move on- he’s not worth spending your evenings crying. There’s other guys and girls in this world to fall in love with and a whole life ahead of you.

I need to stop thinking about the past and just think about now. I have a perfect guy who’s been with me since the end of everything. Closure came when he told me to never speak to him again. It doesn’t matter anymore why he ended things. It doesn’t matter why he kicked me out of his life. He doesn’t owe me an explanation, nor do I owe him anything.

It’s not like I’m angry with him for breaking up with me. All this time I’ve just been upset because i didn’t know why he kicked me out of his life and I felt like he owed me an explanation. But he doesn’t. It doesn’t really matter anymore. And I need to keep reminding myself of that so that I can let it go already.

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